Q: What do fish and women have in common?
A: They both stop shaking their tale after you catch them!

Q: What did the fish say when it hit a concrete wall
A: “Dam!”

Q: How do you communicate with a fish?
A: Drop it a line!

Q: Why did the fish cross the road?
A: Cause it was hooked!

Q: What did the fisherman say to the card magician?
A: Take a cod, any cod.

Q: Why did the vegan go deep-sea fishing?
A: Just for the halibut!

Q: Why are fish so smart
A: Because they swim in schools!

Q: What does the pope eat during lent?
A: Holy mackerel!

Q: How do fish go into business?
A: The start on a small scale!

Q: What is the richest fish in the world?
A: A goldfish

Q: Where does a fish end-up when it flies?
A: A magic carp

Q: What do you call a small fish magician?
A: A magic carpet

Q: Why can’t you tell a joke while ice fishing?
A: Because it’ll crack you up!.

Q: What do fish use for money?
A: Sand dollars!

Q: Where does a fish keep his money
A: In the River Bank!

Q: What did one hillbilly say to another?
A: I got a new fly rod and reel for my wife……best trade I ever made.

Q: What is the fastest fish in the water?
A: A motopike

Q: Where do fish sleep?
A: In a river bed

Q: Where do football players go shopping in the offseason?
A: The tackle shop.

Q: What is the difference between a fish and a piano?
A: You can’t tuna fish.

Q: Which fish can perform operations?
A: A Sturgeon!

Q: What do you call a Sith Lord who likes to go fishing?
A: Darth Wader.

Mother to daughter advice:

Cook a man a fish and you feed him for a day.
But teach a man to fish and you get rid of him for the whole weekend.

Give a man a fish and feed him for a day.
Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

The only reason your husband likes to go fishing so much is that it’s the only time he hears someone tell him, “Wow, that’s a big one!”

True Love

A man and his newlywed check into a mountain resort by a lake. The desk clerk notices the “Just Married” sign still on the car. As soon as the man gets the luggage out of the car, he hops in a boat to go fishing.

He is out all day, comes back for a quick supper, picks up his lantern and goes back out at night. This goes on for a couple of days when the man happens to stop by the desk. The clerk starts a conversation with the man and mentions his behavior.

“I know it’s none of my business, but I was wondering why you weren’t having sex with your new wife.”

“Oh, I couldn’t do that; she has gonorrhea.”

“Well, what about anal sex?”

“Couldn’t do that; she has diarrhea.”

“There is always oral sex.”

“Nope, she has pyorrhea.”

“Wait a second. If she has gonorrhea, diarrhea, and pyorrhea, why did you marry her?”

“That’s easy. She also has worms, and I love to fish!”

Doctor

A small town Doctor was famous in the area for always catching large fish.

One day while he was on one of his frequent fishing trips he got a call that a woman at a neighboring farm was giving birth. He rushed to her aid and delivered a healthy baby boy.

The farmer had nothing to weigh the baby with so the Doctor used his fishing scales.

The baby weighed 21 lbs 13 oz.